I may not make a living as an artist or be “famous”, but I’ve always felt and seen the world as one. Maybe, that’s why I’ve always been a little different. I feel a lot, you know. Sometimes when I get into one of my funks, my mind takes me to kind of a dark place. I think about things that I’ve been through as a little girl, and I go right back to that time. Sometimes I wonder who will really be there for me in the end, who really loves me for me? Does anyone? Trust is a big thing for me and abandonment is something that I often struggle with to be completely honest. I don’t know who’s real anymore, or if anyone or anything ever was.
I hope one day I can sit back in my bougie mansion & just laugh. Laugh at all the hurt that everyone has caused for me since I was little girl. Mentally & emotionally abusive family members that never showed me any love. Assholes from school that made my life a living hell, who still shun me to this day for some unknown reason when we are 24 years old, not 5. Fake friends that weren’t there for me when I needed a friend the most. Oh, how could I forget heartbreak, & all the fairytales I must have created in my mind that turned out to be nothing but make believe & lies. One things for sure, I’m NEVER going to let go of my dreams no matter how delusional they may sound. That’s all I have left, really. I know I’m meant to do something big, bigger than all of this. I have to believe that. Maybe, that’s why I’ve been put through so much pain. If you’re suffering keep holding on, you’ll win in the end. You’ll shine.
I’m not inspired by people who play it safe.
There’s nothing left to break, my heart is nearly non-existent. I’ve grown colder, like ice. The pain is withering me away.